Silence Is Golden

In the silence of the eve 
I hear you
Your touch caresses me 
I feel your hands 
In the silence of the eve

In the silence of the day
I see you
Your face fills my sight
I see every move you make
In the silence of the day

In the silence of the dream
You love me
Your love covers me and makes me safe
I feel your love all over me
In the silence of the dream

In the silence of the nightmare
You leave
Your absence awakens a yearning
I feel empty and adrift
In the silence of the nightmare.

- CAG 12302014

I Don't

i don't know

but i seek

i don't answer

but i speak

i don't care

but i act

i don't think

but acknowledge fact

i hate pain

but embrace change

- CAG 12302014

GEEK Screaming and Good Vibrations

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Two Days & Counting

YEAH BABY!

Just two more days before the 2014 December issue of Fiction Magazine's "Under the Bed" hits the e-Stands.  This issue will feature one of my horror stories:  "The Woodcarver's Knife".    I've been geek screaming since they told me they accepted the story in October!  The magazine will be available Friday, December 5th.  

Fiction Magazine offers great short stories in a variety of genres.  You can purchase them directly from the site, via Amazon or Barnes and Noble.  Visit their site http://www.fictionmagazines.com/magazines/underthebed/  to learn more about the many ways you can purchase and download their previous issues and to find out what other genres are offered.

I think you'll enjoy reading "The Woodcarver's Knife".  Be sure to look out for my next book "Moments of Fear" which will be available late December 2014.

CAG
12.3.2014

Thoughts at the End of the Day

Here is a one from my optimistic, positive, grass is green on EVERYONE's side of the fence kind of thinking:


You can love everyone or hate everyone that is different from you BUT whether you're a believer in Creationism or one of Evolutionism WE ALL STARTED OUT THE SAME.

Chew/Sleep on THAT - and let the digestion/dream/nightmare cure you of all that ails the world.

BECAUSE WE are the ailment and the cure. GOOD NIGHT 1 LOVE

(shutting up and down AMEN). ‪#‎onelove

WOO HOO - Yours truly has made it into the December issue of "Under the Bed Magazine."

Be sure to get your copy so you can read my story, "The Woodcarver's Knife" as well as great horror short stories by other authors!

Available December 5th in PDF, Nook and Kindle formats.

Visit the website for more information about Under The Bed Magazine.
http://www.fictionmagazines.com/magazines/underthebed/

Express Yourself

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The Payoff of Hard Work

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Fighting in Darkness

Sometimes, what happens in the dark, doesn't stay in the dark.  Here's a small piece of what's been floating in my head today.  It's the start of something or the end of it.  Depends on your point of view.   - CAG

                When I first woke up, I could hear its panicked breath.  It was the kind of breathing you do when you’re having a bad dream and the monster almost gets you but you wake up just in time.  I woke up the same way.  No light.  None. I scuttled backward until my back hit the wall then stood up, ready to fight.  But the fight never came.  I waited in the silence; sometimes holding my breath so I could listen.  I knew it was doing the same.  It spoke to me in some language I didn't understand in a voice I didn't recognize.  The voice was garbled.  I couldn't tell if it was a man or a woman or even human.  Then something clicked, I don’t know what but suddenly, I understood it.

          “Who are you?” he demanded.  It was a man.  Immediately, I wanted to spit out an angry reply.  Old memories flooded back of the last time I was trapped in a dark room with a man.  What he had done to me.  How he had hurt me. Over and over again.  I nearly died.  I was never the same since.  That was never going to happen again.  Never.  

                I would have answered but then I realized that I didn't know who I was.  How was that possible?  I couldn't think of my name.  My knees almost buckled at the onslaught of that realization.  I shook my head and pulled myself back into the moment.  I could figure all that other shit out later.  I answered his question with one of my own.  “Who are you?”  The silence was broken by rapid breathing.  His and mine.  

             “I don’t know.” The reply was a mixture of fear and acceptance.  I kept my back to the wall, slowly and quietly, I took a step to my right, walking the perimeter; softly tapping the wall.  Searching for a breach, for a way out.  A door.  A weapon.  I wanted a weapon.  I didn't need one.  I could fight to the death if I had to.  But a weapon would give me a nice advantage.  

             I didn't know who I was trapped in here with or who would be waiting for me once I found my way out of here.  I was going to get out of here.  My gun was gone and I left my knife embedded in the chest of the man who attacked me in the alley.  I could feel him behind me; in the shadows.  He was as blind as I was and just as wary of me as I was of him.  Good.

*********

Sometimes, I need to bounce story ideas off of friends to see if it works from a technical stand point or if it reads realistically enough to be what I intended it to be.  There are times when I just want to share what’s going on in my head.  It may be the start of a story, a scene or two from a story that I’m already working on or just a flash of something going on in my writer’s realm.  This morning I was “hit” with this little piece of inspiration and shared it with my good friend Ed Maisonet, who is also my LifeDefense Instructor.  He replied with this: 

"Be what you need to be in the moment.  Head not the tail.  Predator not prey."

How true those words are. They brought to mind what Ed teaches in every class and that is, every person should know how to protect themselves, especially women.  Some of the female characters I write about start off their literary lives as prey.  They don’t always remain that way though.  More often than not, they are compelled by circumstances and survival instincts to fight when running to safety is no longer an option and giving up is definitely not the plan.  They learn what they have to learn and do what is necessary to become the predator and not the prey.  This holds true in the real world as well. 

Please understand, I am not man-bashing, the same idea of being prepared to defend yourself applies to men and children as well.  Trouble arrives uninvited in many forms and can be delivered to anyone at any time.  All one has to do is pick up a newspaper or watch the news to see just how many men, women and children fall prey to violent acts all the time, day or night, while they’re at work or school and even when they’re home.  Some of us have already been a victim of violence.  Women and children are commonly thought of as “weaker” targets.  I wonder how many would be alive today if they had the advantage of knowing how to defend themselves from the bad guys that prowl our streets and break into our homes.

I've been taking Ed’s class for some time now and while I am in no way near to being like the bad-ass protagonists of many of my stories (I’m a work in progress), I no longer feel as though I would be helpless in a dire situation.  If I could offer advice specifically to women today, it would be:

·        Learn how to protect yourself.  There are ways to fend off your attacker.  Find a good self-defense class and train.  Personally, I recommend Krav Maga but find what works for you.  With commitment, you’ll also gain the side benefit of getting into shape and feeling empowered mentally, spiritually as well as physically.  I know I have.

·        Be cautious of who you let into your life.  Take your time to learn more about the person you’re going on a date with, regardless of how good they look.  That adage about wolves in sheep’s clothing holds truth.

·        Think smart, act smarter and learn how to fight so you can live to fight another day. 

Just a few things I've learned from a 250 pound man, that makes sense. Thanks Ed.  As Ed would say “See you on the mat.”

-To learn more about Ed Maisonet, Author of  "Things I Teach to Every Woman I Know" Written by a 250lb Man", you can follow Ed's blog at  http://twocentsfroma250lbman.blogspot.com/  or learn more about his "LifeDefense Krav Maga" classes (the first class is FREE) by visiting his website at www.lifedefenseinc.com.  You can purchase Ed’s book on Amazon.
http://www.amazon.com/Things-Teach-Every-Woman-Know/dp/1448683580/ref=sr_1_fkmr1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1413304089&sr=8-1-fkmr1&keywords=two+cents+from+a+250lb+man

To learn more about my stories, visit www.darksecrets.net  LIKE the Dark Secrets Facebook page at https://www.facebook.com/pages/Dark-Secrets/296476453700082?ref=aymt_homepage_panel

A Mother's Love & Support

Yes, I am shamelessly plugging my daughter's film contest entry.  I mean what kind of mother would I be if I didn't share with you the wonderful things that my children accomplish?  ;)

We are very proud of Kristen's achievements; obtaining her Bachelor of Arts in Cinema Studies, becoming certified in using Tricaster and this latest accomplishment, a stop animation short that she created for entry into a contest.  Take a look and if you like it, then please feel free to hit the thumbs up and share it.

"Fleeing Teddy"

http://youtu.be/kIPU2VOOWyM

CAG
10092014

Full Throttle of Love

This weekend has been an amazing, side splitting, heart-warming and memorable time.  There was nothing like dancing with my cousins while witnessing and celebrating Lisa & Bobby Alford's beautiful and loving wedding ceremony.  We are now joined with the Dunton Family in the form of the bond of love.  NYC just got another layer deeper in family - 1<3.

Then there was the old school style family sleep over - Valarie, my Mom, and Bro chilled with me and I was able to throw down on some of my serious breakfast cooking for them while here.  Well, at least I didn't witness any gagging because of my cooking, so yeah I can count that as a success.  :)

Seeing my Mom and my Uncle Stan just enjoy themselves was priceless.  They were the epitome of love and a true example of what I mean when I say <3 Always & Peace Forever.  Truly a blessed time and a reminder to take the time to have fun with each other, laugh, sing and celebrate.

Then today we had Sunday school at the OHCC with Penny and Amanda and the kids and marching and singing and BELLS - we had BELLS!

Finally, ending the day with a wonderful recital high lighting the talented SI kids and their awesome teacher, Therina Bella - you can truly see the dedication of the kids, parents and teacher - GREAT JOB.  I even got to sing "Stay With Me" and "Yesterday" & performed a duet with Barbara, "Red River Valley”.  Barbara is amazing and I know her open mic session at the end of this month is going be a wonderful blast.

I was able to catch up with a family member & a few friends via phone and text who are going through some things and I am praying that they keep strong and keep in the fight towards happiness.  You sound determined, focused and strong.  God’s got you deep in His holy embrace.  Know that.  Don’t doubt that.

The Blessings of Family and Love – The Blessings of Friends and Love; there is no better testament to the Love that God wants us to have for each other than his children sowing the seeds of love and communion together and deepening the bonds of family and friend relationships.

Here's MY New Motto –

Live Life via the Full Throttle of Love
Show Them Your Love for the Life of You
<3 Always & Peace ∞

CAG 09212014

The Gratitude Challenge

For those who don't know, The Gratitude Challenge asks you to Post 3 things you are grateful for 7 days in a row. You then have to nominate 3 people to join you. You then get to share in spreading a peaceful, loving movement across social media. Every positive and good action, regardless of how small, makes a difference.   Just like with the ALS Challenge, I have been nominated a number of times and so I am answering all the challenges given and those to come with this post here. 

I changed things up a bit and selected nominees on day 7 instead of posting their names on Day 1.   Thank you Diane Gjelaj and Princess Laurie Cates for nominating me, 1♥

Day 1:

1. God - for giving me a life to live with talents to share and waking me up everyday to discover new blessings.
2. My mommy and daddy - Yes I still call them that because I will always be their little girl (just like my sister is too and my brother is their little boy) and I will always look up to them as the initiators of my journey of faith and love.
3. I am grateful for Rob Griffin because without him and his love and support we wouldn't have three wonderful children. I am so blessed to have him in my life.

Day 2:

1. I am grateful for the music in my life.  Many times, when I didn’t know how to express what I was feeling inside and/or even know how to define it, music was there to move me to tears, laughter and peace.
2. I am grateful for the musicians in my life.  Mr. Clark, the Choir director at the Berean Baptist church, Gabe Radu, Merris Rowe, Nunzio Nunzio, Therina Bella, Tina Kenny, John Purvis, Pete Cummings, Lynn Ligammari, Donna Singer, Louis Camacho, Emily Bodkin Scaglione, Mary Lee Marson-Aloia, EVERYONE involved with “In the Wings Productions”– so many others, if I’ve missed your name please forgive me it’s not intentional at all.  You have inspired me to learn, breathe, stretch, soar, sing louder and better and that touches me deep into my soul.
   
3. This may sound silly but I’m grateful for Betsy my acoustic guitar.  I don’t play her as often as I should.  But she has brought me up from lows and has placed me on highs that made me realize that there is nothing that I can’t do as long as I give it my attention.

Day 3:

1. Writing.  I think I’m equally gracious for the writing that I do.  It has allowed me to express all that I cannot speak clearly and allows me to dump from my mind all those bright and dark things that happen in my real life and in the fantasies of my Writer’s Realm.
2. My sister and brother.  I mean it goes without saying, but I need to say it more often that I love you so much and I am so proud to call you my siblings.  You both never cease to amaze me with your strength and love.  You’ve been an inspiration to me more than I have shared and more than you know. 
3. My jobs – YES I said it my jobs and the people I have worked and am working for and with.  For sustaining my family and me, for all that they have taught me and was able to teach, the friends I’ve made and the laughter/tears and astonishment we have shared during the 9-5, 6, 7 and 8s.  I am even grateful for those who have made me cry, consider jail and pissed me off so badly that encounters with them ended in vein popping arguments.  From you I learned to center my being into a calmer existence, find my happy place and how to ignore the acts of the Legion of Stupid and the Coven members while smiling (ok grimacing at times but grimacing counts as a smile).

Day 4:

1. I am grateful for my lovely children Robbie, Krissy and Mike – they are both Rob’s and my pride and joy.  I love how you keep me calm, make me crazy and I deeply cherish our shared time together even now that you’re all grown.  You are my treasures, my hearts, my inspiration to keep at it day after day.
2. I am grateful for my church family.  The Oakwood Heights Community Church members have embraced my zaniness, my outspokenness and my loudness for over...wow how many years now?  My church sisters and brothers:  we have spent many years laughing and crying together and I know in my spirit that the Good Lord has put us together so that we can continue to bring His word to others through our works.  I look forward to giving them the same kind of energy again for many years to come; God willing and the creek don't rise.  Sunday school starts tomorrow y'all betta get ready :)  Additionally, I want to thank Rev. Gard Rowe for starting me on this path, to Bruce Hodgeman who also inspired me to speak to the congregation, (I know he's smiling from above RIP) and to Rev. Larry Sallee who along with his lovely wife Deanna keep me in stitches and anxiety with every vacation that they take because I know that I'm one of a few people they will ask to speak on a Sunday while they are away.
3. I am grateful for my family members: the Robertsons, Cates, Griffins (those here and those abroad - who probably are still trying to figure how this caramel colored Griffin fits in), LeGaults, Curleys, Goodmans, Starks, Alfords, Hairstons, and Browns (x2 Dru Brown Griffin's side and Howard Brown's side). If I forgot a branch, then please forgive me but you're included here too.  I know that we all have been or are going through challenges in our lives.  Let us continue to support each other quietly with our prayers, physically with our actions and kindly through support through fellowship when we can. 
4. My gratitude goes to the bone to my body therapy coaches, both virtual and familiar.  To John, Carrie, Deanna, Keith and most deeply, Eddie: Y’all make this Brooklyn Sistah want to be healthy.  Your advice and words of encouragement go a long way in making me get fit, get ready to run and seriously get ready to fight.

Day 5:

1. I am grateful for my writing partners/editors over the past years.  Keith, Tony, Deidre, Carol, Billy and Carla.  Whether we have worked on one project, on several together or hopefully in the future, you keep me inspired, grammatically correct and let me know it’s alright to get frustrated with writing brain-farts!  LOL 
2. To my review team, Deanna, Allen, Kristen, Phil – damn you make a girl feel good and yes you let me know when something sucks.  Thank you
3. I am thankful to my doctor who told me I needed to start taking aspirin and BP and cholesterol meds, because THAT is what made me get back on track with eating cleaner, and working out.

Day 6:

1. My FORMER boss from 12/13 years ago.  I left ASME and went to go work for this Minion of Satan.  Your nasty behavior, degrading commentary and spiteful actions, broke me down to tears almost every day for three months.  But you know what?  THANK YOU.  Because I learned about my inner strength, got a hard grasp on knowing about integrity and got up and met your madness every day any way.  I would not have become soul friends with Eileen Deehan and would not have met some other wonderful people like Kimberly Williams, Darin Lord, Rob Emery and other beautiful people. Your vile behavior taught me to recognize and value my self-worth.  I love what I do.  You made me love it more, especially the moment I stopped working for you and started working for my current job and great bosses like Steve, Dan and Jimmy.
2. I am grateful for my current job, the people who work there, the friends I have made who have become my family in my heart.  Y’all know who you are <3 me some YOU.  Oh and bring blankets on Monday, cuz it's so cold...
3. I am grateful for my mother, Babs; Sandy, my mother in law and Pearl Brame – these three women have each given me a little something to add to my own womanhood that I will cherish to the day that I die.  I cannot even begin to list all the things that they have taught me, how they've made me happy and on a few occasions, so damn mad.  Without all of those things I wouldn't be the strong woman I am today. 

Day 7:

1. My Joshua Tree, Mercury Bar, Tonic, Blind Pig, Harlem Tavern and Heights Tavern Family – OMG the memories, the love, the laughter...  It wasn't until Camaron and Gareth’s wedding that I really was able to pull up all of the memories from over a decade of hanging with you.  You would think I would know how to make a decent drink by now. I don't but I can toss down Jamo with the best of you.  ;)  Seriously, I am thankful to God to have you in my life. I mean it when I say you're my family.
2. Tylenol and Advil – read #1
3. To my girls, Eileen, Kemi, LaShion, Lisa and Chale - words cannot express how much I love you ladies. <3 we'll always be the one and only original and true Jersey Shore Gyals. Oh and refer to #2.
4. Every breath I take, for each one is the start of a new round of blessings.  New chances to love, to cry, to get to know new people and make new friends and strengthen current bonds of camaraderie.  Each breath gives me a chance to say I Love you, I’m sorry, forgive me, you’re forgiven, please stay, go handle your business, let’s sing, let’s dance, let’s write together, let’s hold hands, let’s laugh, cry with me, hold me, love me and let’s pray.

Be grateful for Living the Life of You

<3 Always & Peace ∞
CAG 09052014

I nominate Eileen Deehan, Nunzio Nunzio, Joann Crossman 

Note to Self: 
Where is your compassion?  Where is your patience and understanding?  Did they slip through your fingers like water because you thought that your way was the only way? 

Are you so filled with self-righteousness that you fail to see the struggles of others, don’t try to listen to their point of view and have no empathy for the pain that fills their very being or no desire to work with them to find a solution to a problem?

Watch your words, thoughts and your actions; for negativity and closed mindedness will darken your world.  The vibes you send forth from your lips and with your deeds will circle back and cover you.  Let them be of peace and humility for the sake of your life and those you profess to care for so that your world is filled with light.

Live for the Wisdom of You
<3 Always & Peace ∞
CAG 08062014

"Who, How and When"

For those of us, myself included, who need to be reminded.

Note to Self:  John E. Lewis once said:  "If not us then who?  If not now, then when?" 

There will always be a reason why not to start something.  There will always be that booming voice that says, "I'll start tomorrow."  "I'm too old to learn that now."  "You'll look silly."  "That's going to require work and take up too much time".  "I don't know how."  “The problem is too big and there’s nothing I can do.”

If everyone had let these negative voices stop them from taking control of a situation, their lives, the way that they lived, of how they were treated and how they behaved then, this world would be in a far more dismal state than it is in now.  There are a great many things that require change or that need to be fixed.  The best place to begin is from within.  I make a choice.  I take action. 

I will keep the end goal in front of me as a reminder of what I NEED to do.  I have to remain motivated.  I have to take action. Not tomorrow but today.  Now.  When I do, then I find that the reasons I HAD that hindered my progress no longer hold sway over me.  I am no longer a prisoner of doubt or fear.  I defeat regret and begin to win.

So if not you, then who?  If not now, then when?  Start the workout, stop a bad habit.  Start a positive vibe, stop a negative outlook.  Start a fresh perspective, stop a narrow minded opinion.  Start to be the change that is needed.  Be open, be receptive and get started today.

Live Now for the Life of You
<3 Always & Peace ∞
CAG 07312014

"Where/What/When/Why & How"

Where love is so is harmony, so is peace, so is enlightenment, so is God.

What love needs is nourishment.  The enrichment must be constant and consistent, otherwise the growth will be stunted.

When love is born and as it matures, it needs to be coddled.  Is it not like a new born babe who needs emotional, mental, physical accompaniment?

Why try to keep love stationary?  It is meant to be given and to be received.  You can no more control how love flows to and from you than you can know all the answers of the past, present and future.

How is it that you think you're in control when love comes for you?

Love is boundless and limitless.  Let the Love Flow for the Life of You.

<3 Always & Peace ∞
CAG 06292014

Focus on the Light

Today is a rest day from the Ab challenge/core strengthening routine I've decided to do. So, I figured it was a good day to condition the curls and do a little Yoga/prayer and meditation. I know that a few sun salutations done while reciting the Lord's prayer or the lyrics to a hymn like "How Great Thou Art" does wonders for my ability to reset, relax, relate and release. A few moments of this will help me to focus for a good part, if not all, of my day.

Everything we do requires focus and dedication. Everything. Your work/career; the love for your family/friends; the refurbishing/maintenance of your health; the work towards a goal of mental, emotional and spiritual peace; the planning and execution to attain financial stability. Everything we do requires focus and dedication. Everything. Multi-tasking can be done in limited measure without taking a toll on the mind and body or degrading the quality of what you're attempting to do.

I hope today that you take the time to focus on what you're doing so that while you're giving it your full attention you attain the full quality result you want. I pray that no matter what you believe, how you choose to worship or even if you don't believe or worship at all, that you find the ability to focus as well as the peace, love, patience and clarity that we all need to make our lives fulfilling and filled light.

Focus on the Light of Peace for the Life of You
Always & Peace ∞
CAG 06262014

Did You Know?

It's not easy to be in love. There is a delicate balance of give and take that must be consistently worked on by both participants.  It is like a never ending roller coaster ride that you hold on to for dear life lest you fall off.  Sometimes you're laughing and sometimes you're crying but overall you don't want it to end.  

It's even harder to fall out of love.  You recognize suddenly that the love you once felt is no longer there and in its place is dread and fear.  Dread about not fessing up and fear about if you do.

It's catastrophic to have someone fall out of love with you. If you've ever had it happen, then this is for you. - CAG

Did You Know?
By C. A. Griffin

Did you know that when you broke me I remained in denial even while
my heart pointed out the blatant truth to me in a thousand broken pieces?

Did you know that when you shed off my love so easily I continued to believe that
you had not left me discarded as if I were the skin sloughed off the bottom of your foot?

Did you know that when I waited for the explanation that never came and the apology that was never spoken that I made up all the excuses in my head, and showered them with tears so that they could grow into something to hold at night in my loneliness?

Did you know that I can’t remember when it finally hit me that it was over but that when it did hit, it left me numb and empty; then aching and filled with a pain so deep that it was as if I had contracted some emotional case of Dengue fever?  It left me silent with quiet heartache and then choking on words of anger and pain so confusing and so distraught that I created a new language using the sound of your name?

Did you know?

Did you know that it took more energy than a solar arc from the sun to regain my sense of self?  That it took the equivalent of the gravitational pull of a black hole to right my twisted view of the world?

Did you know that I understand my value more now than ever and that I realize that my worth is not rated by you or any other man or woman but by the where, what, when, how and why of my understanding, desires and achievements and that my successes and failures have carved me into the diamond that I am?

Did you know that I don’t hate you or fear you and that I did once just a little and for a little while and then a lot? That I forgive you but I won’t forget and I won’t hold a grudge and I sleep good at night knowing that I’ve finally arrived at my healing and that it all began with loving you?

Did. You. Know?

06202014 CAG

My Daddy

My Dad. My Daddy's hands. My Daddy's smile, his hug, the way he chuckled, the sound of his voice, the way he would belch and make us all go "ewww/daddy/Bubba!"

My Dad. My Daddy's skin, with marks on it from chicken pocks, his frost bitten toes from serving in the military, his smile, his frown, the way he said good night and the way he said good morning.

My Dad. My Daddy's cane that he used to help him walk; his glasses (I still have a pair), his belly - big and soft and perfect for sleeping on, the sound of his snoring, his occasional "little taste" of Smirnoff.

My Dad. My Daddy's strength, his weakness, his frustration, his pain, his joy, his love, his peace, his resolve, his wisdom, his love for reading, his knowledge, his advice.

He lived and learned and loved and crossed over. He now lives amongst the clouds; he's looking down and smiling that same smile.

My Dad.

<3 you Forever.

My Book Review of "Iggy Gorgess" by Chrissi Sepe

One of the best things I've gained in my pursuit of writing is the privilege of also doing reviews for my peers.  I read quite a bit and sometimes, I'm so engrossed in reading that I neglect my own writing assignments that I've set for myself.  I love to read so when asked to review books or stories I welcome it gladly.  Normally, I don't publish them to the outside world.  Usually, my review is provided only to the author.  Today, I wanted to share with you my review of “Iggy Gorgess” written by Chrissi Sepe. 

Iggy Gorgess is a mess.  He’s impudent, immature and inexperienced.  Yet, his innocence and desire to be loved poke through his hard punk exterior.  When he leaves Germany where he lived with his girlfriend to return to New York City to write a novel, he imagines he’ll be able to finish writing a best seller.  Along the way to realizing that life isn’t always what you expect it to be, Iggy meets some people who poke and prod his beliefs in people and himself.  Over all, Iggy is just a kid looking to be accepted even as he unwittingly finds himself and learns about life.  

The story is a quick and easy read.  Author Chrissi Sepe managed to make me care about Iggy so much that I wanted to shake him for being dense and slow on the uptake about life.  However, isn’t that what life is all about, taking your time on your journey and learning as much as you can along the way?  We were all Iggy once in our lives.  Chrissi manages to capture that in this story. You can find Iggy Gorgess on Amazon and learn more about Chrissi on her blog:  http://chrissibliss.blogspot.com/   The cover artwork was created by Dan Schurtman who also is a member of the band The Twilights.  

Ode to the Real Old "G"s - Grandmothers and Grandfathers

Ode to the Real Old "G"s

Part 1 - Le Fleur Belle 

Since it's Mother's Day this weekend,  this one goes out to the G'Mas, the Nanas, the Grammies and the Grandmas. I'll have one for Grandpas in a month.

Your legacy comes in many forms.  But mostly, it is the aroma from the kitchen that rings a mental dinner bell; causing stomachs to growl and hearts to yearn for home from across the room, the house, the block, the city, the state, the country and a continent away.  Holiday traditions and family history are kneaded like fresh bread with your worn hands and pursed lips; we hunger for it. 

Your sage advice is delivered as a soft cuff under the chin, a stern admonishment or simply laid out as a formidable look.  You understand and spoil, you teach and preach.  You pray with fervent devotion.  Those prayers have healed the mind, body and soul of your bloodline, as well as, those who you have “adopted" as yours. 

At times, we don’t understand your raw truth. Sometimes, it cuts to the quick.  Sometimes, it’s as gentle as downy feathers on a cheek.  Your hands have delivered a swift slap and a loving caress to young and grown alike.  Your age and experience serve as your weapon, shield and badge of honor.  You bless the generations by giving sup to your sons and daughters so that they may spread the benefits of the meal made up of your faith and God's grace.  

Whether here with us or up in heaven singing praises into our dreams, you are still blessing and praying for us.  May God bless you as He continues to bless us by giving us time to spend with you and remembering all that you have given.  Happy Mother's Day to you.

The Journey

The season of change arrives and suddenly all old fears, come back to haunt you.  You had thought that they were buried in the sands of the past.  But the waters of change washed the sand away and the fears are back with a vengeance.  Am I good enough?  Will I find a home?  Where can I find work?  What should I do with my life? Why did my friend(s) turn on me?  How am I going to afford to do this?  Why did we break up?What happened?  Who? What? Where? When? Why? How? A million questions.

But the thing we fail to remember is that we have faced most, if not all, of these fears before.  They may have been experienced in a slightly different form. If you think about it, tiny doses of the same illness of fear have already inoculated us against the larger disease of fear.  God has already seen you through similar circumstances and He will see you through this trial as well.  He covered you in His grace when you didn’t even know He was there for you.  Now, that you do, why don’t you give your fears to Him this time and let Him carry that burden?  Easily said?  Yes.  Easily done? No.  But what’s your alternative option?  Have daily quiet talks with Him.  Thank Him for all that you have.  Ask for guidance.  His grace has always  been there.  You just have to call upon it.  

In the Wizard of Oz, Glenda the Good Witch tells Dorothy that she always had the ability to go home. When Dorothy asked her why she didn't tell her that important need to know information, Glenda replies that Dorothy had to figure that out for herself.  Only you can discover your special connection with the Almighty. Your relationship with Him will be different from mine.  It can lead you to such a wonderful place of peace and love.  I can't tell you how to get there, I'm just suggesting that you take the journey and see for yourself.

Have a blessed journey.
CAG 04182014

The Double Edged Sword - Love

Love is a double edged sword.  Love and relationships; they are beautiful in their gifts to us.  They are also the harbingers of our greatest pains to come.  From the day we are born, we fall onto the double edged sword of love in a pact of never ending commitment to life.  We fall into it.  We fall.  Love shreds away our loneliness and despair.  From the womb to the grave we are committed.  Ah but love, that duplicitous emotion.  It cuts both ways and it cuts deep.  It is the very thing that can heal us and ruin us in equal measure.  It can arrive unbidden and it can depart unexpectedly. It sneaks up on us when we least expect it and can slowly dwindle away to nothing before we even knew that it was dissipating.  It sets us free even as it anchors us.

That feeling of euphoria that you get when you’re together, God, how indescribable is that? You can’t wait to see her.  Every minute you’re away is like an eternity.  He makes you laugh and you bask in the warmth of his embrace.  All she has to do is smile and you melt.  He whispers your name and your knees go weak.  Together you are invincible and your future is filled with all the cliché totems of love; walks on the beach; seeing the world through each other’s eyes; a home and a family.  You’re so happily buoyed by hope.  Your friends and family think he’s great; they think she’s the best thing that ever happened to you.  Sure, some friends are jealous and maybe even a few warn you about him.  They tell you she’s not the girl for you.  They get mad that you spend so much time together and when pushed, you’ll choose your lover over them because, well because, you’re in love.  Love has pierced your heart and you bleed with wonder, peace and joy. 

But then something happens and she walks away.  He leaves.  She doesn’t want to be with you. He is not ready to commit to you.  Your dreams are yanked into the cosmos by the black hole gravity of a broken heart.  The hopeful future that you used to hold in your hand is now light years away.  There are unanswered questions, and even worse, there are answers that are like barbs along the blade of love.  They rip you open even more.  The anger that she left you, the hurt in acknowledging that he has pulled away; the fear of knowing that the relationship is over; it all seems fathomless.  You ask yourself over and over if it was something that you’ve done; can you do something to fix it?  You feel powerless.  Family and friends try to help.  They say things you want to hear and things you can’t bear to listen to.  They say “Don’t worry.  It will get better with time.”  They tell you that they’re here for you.  Truths fall from their lips and land in your head and they are no more comforting than the blade that is cleaving your heart in two.  None of what they say is new to you.  It’s not something that you don’t already know.  Haven’t you said the very same words to someone else who became one of the broken hearted?  You just don’t want to know that those words now apply to YOU.  Love has pierced your heart and you bleed with anger, pain and resentment.

But what we, the walking broken hearted, fail to acknowledge is that we will heal.  We will.  With every damn moment that passes; with each tear that is shed; every single hole we punch in the wall; each picture we burn, every single primordial scream; day by each freaking ugly new-why-is-the-sun-shining-day, we heal.  It is unnoticeable.  We don’t see the scar forming over our heart.  We don’t feel our mind sealing the rift of hurt over with a bridge of hope. We fail to recognize our own strengths and capabilities to get past this heart rending moment.  But they are there; invisible and continuously growing.

What can we do when our hearts are breaking?  How can we stop the madness that is seeping into our every thought on how to fix what went wrong with our love, with our relationship? There is one thing: LET. IT. GO.  Pull love’s sword from your heart and allow the pain to cleanse you so that you can heal and move on.  You can’t make her stay.  You can’t remain where you are when you are no longer the beat of his heart. You can’t fix the relationship but you can allow your heart to begin the process of healing.  LET HIM GO. LET HER GO.

Yeah.  Sure.  You’re probably thinking and rightfully so, that this is easy for me to say. You’re right it is easy for me, now.  Yet, it wasn’t always something that I could say so simply.  I can say it now because, damn it, I’ve plodded step by agonizing step through that hellacious fire walk of a broken heart with bare feet and I have the scars to prove it.   I did it with the help of friends and family.  I did it with prayer and meditation.  I did it by staying focused and learning about myself and loving myself enough to walk on the burning embers until I reached the cool ground of the land of peaceful living again. 

You know what?  Eventually, I became ready to accept love again.  Why?  Because; I am human.  We are human.  We are bound to love and to be loved just as we, are unfortunately, bound to hurt and to be hurt.  However, we are also bound to heal, grow and to love again.  We can’t help it.  If one is to truly grab everything there is about living life fully then one has to be ready to wield the sword of love.  We will pierce each other with it; we will fall on it ourselves committing a macabre kind of pact with life.  To live is to love.  To love is to live.   Love is what drives us.  A lack of love is what will end us. 

To shut down your heart to love means a slow, meaningless and agonizing life.  You’ll always feel adrift and unconnected; and if you leave love out of your life then you leave room for hate. Hate will end us.    So love and love deeply.  Live and Love.  Love and Live.  Yes, one way or the other, that sword will pierce us and we will succumb to it with joy again and again; and the pain will come again and again.  He will leave. She will leave.  The reasons will be as varied as the stars that twinkle in the dark night sky.  You didn’t really know each other as well as you thought.  He changed. She changed.  You grew apart. Someone new came into the picture.  Even after finding that one mate that is your forever love, the reaper of death can arrive and take him or her away.

Love yourself.  Love them.  If the relationship is blossoming then let it grow.  If it should end then let it.  Don’t be afraid of love.  Don't be afraid to let go.  Don’t be afraid of living again.  Love is a double edged sword.  Grab that sucker by the hilt and swing into life with everything you’ve got.

Live, Heal & Love for the Life of You.

<3 Always & Peace ∞

04172014 CAG

Do It Til Your Satisfied

I love it when the writing bug hits and I am able to zip off pages of a story or blog piece quickly. I love it even more when I re-read them hours, maybe days later and they still make sense. When I share them with my editor and she gives me a good review (along with the necessary corrections) and she, as well as my test readers love what I've written, I feel accomplished. Yes, I AM a writer and I love to write. 

Some of you were at the Oakwood Heights Community Church this past Sunday and heard me perform two Mahalia Jackson songs "Trouble of this World (Soon Ah Will Be Done)" and "Elijah Rock". I love it when I get into a song and it hits my soul and I perform it exactly as I wanted; sheer satisfaction. Yes, I am a singer and I love to sing. 

What do you love to do? Do you do it often? Does it make you happy? When you're done, are you satisfied?

Nothing is as freeing to the mind, body and soul as doing something you love to do and doing it until you feel that deep down good and filling satisfaction.

Whatever it is, do it, do it 'til you're satisfied. 

Come on and do it, do it, do it ‘til you’re satisfied for the Life of You

 Always & Peace ∞

 CAG 04082014

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=90QXhl95qP8

Dear Lord,
Thank you for bringing my health back on course. While I know not the purpose of the germ, the virus, the bad bacteria or any disease; while I question the reason for them and their source and hope for the cures for all of them, I will forever thank you for the strength and knowledge given to each of us to help heal our maladies.

Thank you for the community of scientists, researchers, chemists, biologists and naturalists. Thank you for the old ways of healing and for the new. Thank you for the ability to learn about our bodies and how to care for them. Thank you for the fitness, healthy food, and yes the sugary, salty comfort food that we should eat in moderation. Help us to find balance and to seek moderation in everything, except for our love for you. May we do the best that we can to treat our bodies like the temples that they are. AMEN

PS - If I eat a small amount of loaded fries and chocolate cake on my cheat day, please don't let my stomach implode. AMEN & AMEN

It's Not Always a Burning Bush

Yesterday, I had the pleasure of having lunch with one of my former Sunday school students.  She is 22, vibrant and in a good place.  It was so refreshing to see that in someone who I spent most Sundays with for the better part of three years.  It was great to see her.  But a midst our conversation I could hear the Lord speaking to me.   His message was as present as if He were sitting there with us.  In a way, I know that He was. 

Now this was not a burning bush episode; a flame did not erupt from my Caprese wrap or burst up from my French fries.  If you ever wondered how it is that God speaks to you, I believe that He speaks to us through our dreams and in the words spoken to you by someone else.  His voice can come through in the thoughts that “hit” you out of nowhere.  His message breaks upon you when you "study" on your feelings.  His direction comes to you through the actions you witness and sometimes through the actions you take, although you may not realize it until after the action is taken.  At least, that is what I THINK.  You may think differently and that’s fine.  It’s different for each of us and can come to us differently each time.

God spoke to me yesterday but I didn't hear the words until today.  I was so caught up in getting back to my desk and work and other things that it didn't dawn on me that He was speaking to me until the quiet of THIS morning.  I didn't recognize it until I became still and emptied my head of everything but the peaceful calm that wraps around you in the predawn light.

It is awesome to pray.  Prayer is POWERFUL.  But what good is power if you’re not plugged in?  What good is having power and being plugged in if you don’t turn on the light?  If you’re in the dark about something, pray (get the power), meditate (plug in and listen) and then turn on your faith (let His light fill you).

Be filled with Light for the Life of You.

<3 Always & Peace ∞

CAG 02122014

Balance, Breath and Muffins

I made a batch of banana, almond, oat, blueberry, cranberry muffins this morning. I will be getting my green juice in (kale, broccoli, parsley, cucumber, green apple, lemon and ginger) before I can have one, though. Yes, I'm about to do 60 squats and some JJs to offset the transgression of baking. Hey it's about balance!

May you find balance in your life. If you feel off kilter, take a moment to go someplace quiet and breathe. A steady breath. A shaking breath. A cleansing breath. BREATHE in and know you are Divinely loved; call for His grace and peace to fill you. BREATHE out and expel the doubt, the pain, the anger, the frustration. Gather up your spiritual strength. Let it be the counterweight that you need for the trials of living in a world of chaos.

May you find your balance for the Life of You.

Always & Peace ∞
01232014 CAG

Today's Missive Jan 20, 2014

Note to Self: If you want more then do more.  You won't reach your dreams with idle day dreaming.  You won't remove your angst by wringing your hands.  It takes action; the kind that makes your body ache and your mind feel invigorated by at the end of the day.  It's the kind of work, dedication and faith that may bring you some tears from the trials and tribulations but in the end will yield a soul satisfying victory.  You can cry when you fall, just be sure to wipe away the tears and wear the look of  determination as you stand back up.

Work For It For The Life of YOU
CAG 01202014

Hot Fun In the Winter Time!

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