The Double Edged Sword - Love

Love is a double edged sword.  Love and relationships; they are beautiful in their gifts to us.  They are also the harbingers of our greatest pains to come.  From the day we are born, we fall onto the double edged sword of love in a pact of never ending commitment to life.  We fall into it.  We fall.  Love shreds away our loneliness and despair.  From the womb to the grave we are committed.  Ah but love, that duplicitous emotion.  It cuts both ways and it cuts deep.  It is the very thing that can heal us and ruin us in equal measure.  It can arrive unbidden and it can depart unexpectedly. It sneaks up on us when we least expect it and can slowly dwindle away to nothing before we even knew that it was dissipating.  It sets us free even as it anchors us.

That feeling of euphoria that you get when you’re together, God, how indescribable is that? You can’t wait to see her.  Every minute you’re away is like an eternity.  He makes you laugh and you bask in the warmth of his embrace.  All she has to do is smile and you melt.  He whispers your name and your knees go weak.  Together you are invincible and your future is filled with all the cliché totems of love; walks on the beach; seeing the world through each other’s eyes; a home and a family.  You’re so happily buoyed by hope.  Your friends and family think he’s great; they think she’s the best thing that ever happened to you.  Sure, some friends are jealous and maybe even a few warn you about him.  They tell you she’s not the girl for you.  They get mad that you spend so much time together and when pushed, you’ll choose your lover over them because, well because, you’re in love.  Love has pierced your heart and you bleed with wonder, peace and joy. 

But then something happens and she walks away.  He leaves.  She doesn’t want to be with you. He is not ready to commit to you.  Your dreams are yanked into the cosmos by the black hole gravity of a broken heart.  The hopeful future that you used to hold in your hand is now light years away.  There are unanswered questions, and even worse, there are answers that are like barbs along the blade of love.  They rip you open even more.  The anger that she left you, the hurt in acknowledging that he has pulled away; the fear of knowing that the relationship is over; it all seems fathomless.  You ask yourself over and over if it was something that you’ve done; can you do something to fix it?  You feel powerless.  Family and friends try to help.  They say things you want to hear and things you can’t bear to listen to.  They say “Don’t worry.  It will get better with time.”  They tell you that they’re here for you.  Truths fall from their lips and land in your head and they are no more comforting than the blade that is cleaving your heart in two.  None of what they say is new to you.  It’s not something that you don’t already know.  Haven’t you said the very same words to someone else who became one of the broken hearted?  You just don’t want to know that those words now apply to YOU.  Love has pierced your heart and you bleed with anger, pain and resentment.

But what we, the walking broken hearted, fail to acknowledge is that we will heal.  We will.  With every damn moment that passes; with each tear that is shed; every single hole we punch in the wall; each picture we burn, every single primordial scream; day by each freaking ugly new-why-is-the-sun-shining-day, we heal.  It is unnoticeable.  We don’t see the scar forming over our heart.  We don’t feel our mind sealing the rift of hurt over with a bridge of hope. We fail to recognize our own strengths and capabilities to get past this heart rending moment.  But they are there; invisible and continuously growing.

What can we do when our hearts are breaking?  How can we stop the madness that is seeping into our every thought on how to fix what went wrong with our love, with our relationship? There is one thing: LET. IT. GO.  Pull love’s sword from your heart and allow the pain to cleanse you so that you can heal and move on.  You can’t make her stay.  You can’t remain where you are when you are no longer the beat of his heart. You can’t fix the relationship but you can allow your heart to begin the process of healing.  LET HIM GO. LET HER GO.

Yeah.  Sure.  You’re probably thinking and rightfully so, that this is easy for me to say. You’re right it is easy for me, now.  Yet, it wasn’t always something that I could say so simply.  I can say it now because, damn it, I’ve plodded step by agonizing step through that hellacious fire walk of a broken heart with bare feet and I have the scars to prove it.   I did it with the help of friends and family.  I did it with prayer and meditation.  I did it by staying focused and learning about myself and loving myself enough to walk on the burning embers until I reached the cool ground of the land of peaceful living again. 

You know what?  Eventually, I became ready to accept love again.  Why?  Because; I am human.  We are human.  We are bound to love and to be loved just as we, are unfortunately, bound to hurt and to be hurt.  However, we are also bound to heal, grow and to love again.  We can’t help it.  If one is to truly grab everything there is about living life fully then one has to be ready to wield the sword of love.  We will pierce each other with it; we will fall on it ourselves committing a macabre kind of pact with life.  To live is to love.  To love is to live.   Love is what drives us.  A lack of love is what will end us. 

To shut down your heart to love means a slow, meaningless and agonizing life.  You’ll always feel adrift and unconnected; and if you leave love out of your life then you leave room for hate. Hate will end us.    So love and love deeply.  Live and Love.  Love and Live.  Yes, one way or the other, that sword will pierce us and we will succumb to it with joy again and again; and the pain will come again and again.  He will leave. She will leave.  The reasons will be as varied as the stars that twinkle in the dark night sky.  You didn’t really know each other as well as you thought.  He changed. She changed.  You grew apart. Someone new came into the picture.  Even after finding that one mate that is your forever love, the reaper of death can arrive and take him or her away.

Love yourself.  Love them.  If the relationship is blossoming then let it grow.  If it should end then let it.  Don’t be afraid of love.  Don't be afraid to let go.  Don’t be afraid of living again.  Love is a double edged sword.  Grab that sucker by the hilt and swing into life with everything you’ve got.

Live, Heal & Love for the Life of You.

<3 Always & Peace ∞

04172014 CAG