The Journey

The season of change arrives and suddenly all old fears, come back to haunt you.  You had thought that they were buried in the sands of the past.  But the waters of change washed the sand away and the fears are back with a vengeance.  Am I good enough?  Will I find a home?  Where can I find work?  What should I do with my life? Why did my friend(s) turn on me?  How am I going to afford to do this?  Why did we break up?What happened?  Who? What? Where? When? Why? How? A million questions.

But the thing we fail to remember is that we have faced most, if not all, of these fears before.  They may have been experienced in a slightly different form. If you think about it, tiny doses of the same illness of fear have already inoculated us against the larger disease of fear.  God has already seen you through similar circumstances and He will see you through this trial as well.  He covered you in His grace when you didn’t even know He was there for you.  Now, that you do, why don’t you give your fears to Him this time and let Him carry that burden?  Easily said?  Yes.  Easily done? No.  But what’s your alternative option?  Have daily quiet talks with Him.  Thank Him for all that you have.  Ask for guidance.  His grace has always  been there.  You just have to call upon it.  

In the Wizard of Oz, Glenda the Good Witch tells Dorothy that she always had the ability to go home. When Dorothy asked her why she didn't tell her that important need to know information, Glenda replies that Dorothy had to figure that out for herself.  Only you can discover your special connection with the Almighty. Your relationship with Him will be different from mine.  It can lead you to such a wonderful place of peace and love.  I can't tell you how to get there, I'm just suggesting that you take the journey and see for yourself.

Have a blessed journey.
CAG 04182014

The Double Edged Sword - Love

Love is a double edged sword.  Love and relationships; they are beautiful in their gifts to us.  They are also the harbingers of our greatest pains to come.  From the day we are born, we fall onto the double edged sword of love in a pact of never ending commitment to life.  We fall into it.  We fall.  Love shreds away our loneliness and despair.  From the womb to the grave we are committed.  Ah but love, that duplicitous emotion.  It cuts both ways and it cuts deep.  It is the very thing that can heal us and ruin us in equal measure.  It can arrive unbidden and it can depart unexpectedly. It sneaks up on us when we least expect it and can slowly dwindle away to nothing before we even knew that it was dissipating.  It sets us free even as it anchors us.

That feeling of euphoria that you get when you’re together, God, how indescribable is that? You can’t wait to see her.  Every minute you’re away is like an eternity.  He makes you laugh and you bask in the warmth of his embrace.  All she has to do is smile and you melt.  He whispers your name and your knees go weak.  Together you are invincible and your future is filled with all the cliché totems of love; walks on the beach; seeing the world through each other’s eyes; a home and a family.  You’re so happily buoyed by hope.  Your friends and family think he’s great; they think she’s the best thing that ever happened to you.  Sure, some friends are jealous and maybe even a few warn you about him.  They tell you she’s not the girl for you.  They get mad that you spend so much time together and when pushed, you’ll choose your lover over them because, well because, you’re in love.  Love has pierced your heart and you bleed with wonder, peace and joy. 

But then something happens and she walks away.  He leaves.  She doesn’t want to be with you. He is not ready to commit to you.  Your dreams are yanked into the cosmos by the black hole gravity of a broken heart.  The hopeful future that you used to hold in your hand is now light years away.  There are unanswered questions, and even worse, there are answers that are like barbs along the blade of love.  They rip you open even more.  The anger that she left you, the hurt in acknowledging that he has pulled away; the fear of knowing that the relationship is over; it all seems fathomless.  You ask yourself over and over if it was something that you’ve done; can you do something to fix it?  You feel powerless.  Family and friends try to help.  They say things you want to hear and things you can’t bear to listen to.  They say “Don’t worry.  It will get better with time.”  They tell you that they’re here for you.  Truths fall from their lips and land in your head and they are no more comforting than the blade that is cleaving your heart in two.  None of what they say is new to you.  It’s not something that you don’t already know.  Haven’t you said the very same words to someone else who became one of the broken hearted?  You just don’t want to know that those words now apply to YOU.  Love has pierced your heart and you bleed with anger, pain and resentment.

But what we, the walking broken hearted, fail to acknowledge is that we will heal.  We will.  With every damn moment that passes; with each tear that is shed; every single hole we punch in the wall; each picture we burn, every single primordial scream; day by each freaking ugly new-why-is-the-sun-shining-day, we heal.  It is unnoticeable.  We don’t see the scar forming over our heart.  We don’t feel our mind sealing the rift of hurt over with a bridge of hope. We fail to recognize our own strengths and capabilities to get past this heart rending moment.  But they are there; invisible and continuously growing.

What can we do when our hearts are breaking?  How can we stop the madness that is seeping into our every thought on how to fix what went wrong with our love, with our relationship? There is one thing: LET. IT. GO.  Pull love’s sword from your heart and allow the pain to cleanse you so that you can heal and move on.  You can’t make her stay.  You can’t remain where you are when you are no longer the beat of his heart. You can’t fix the relationship but you can allow your heart to begin the process of healing.  LET HIM GO. LET HER GO.

Yeah.  Sure.  You’re probably thinking and rightfully so, that this is easy for me to say. You’re right it is easy for me, now.  Yet, it wasn’t always something that I could say so simply.  I can say it now because, damn it, I’ve plodded step by agonizing step through that hellacious fire walk of a broken heart with bare feet and I have the scars to prove it.   I did it with the help of friends and family.  I did it with prayer and meditation.  I did it by staying focused and learning about myself and loving myself enough to walk on the burning embers until I reached the cool ground of the land of peaceful living again. 

You know what?  Eventually, I became ready to accept love again.  Why?  Because; I am human.  We are human.  We are bound to love and to be loved just as we, are unfortunately, bound to hurt and to be hurt.  However, we are also bound to heal, grow and to love again.  We can’t help it.  If one is to truly grab everything there is about living life fully then one has to be ready to wield the sword of love.  We will pierce each other with it; we will fall on it ourselves committing a macabre kind of pact with life.  To live is to love.  To love is to live.   Love is what drives us.  A lack of love is what will end us. 

To shut down your heart to love means a slow, meaningless and agonizing life.  You’ll always feel adrift and unconnected; and if you leave love out of your life then you leave room for hate. Hate will end us.    So love and love deeply.  Live and Love.  Love and Live.  Yes, one way or the other, that sword will pierce us and we will succumb to it with joy again and again; and the pain will come again and again.  He will leave. She will leave.  The reasons will be as varied as the stars that twinkle in the dark night sky.  You didn’t really know each other as well as you thought.  He changed. She changed.  You grew apart. Someone new came into the picture.  Even after finding that one mate that is your forever love, the reaper of death can arrive and take him or her away.

Love yourself.  Love them.  If the relationship is blossoming then let it grow.  If it should end then let it.  Don’t be afraid of love.  Don't be afraid to let go.  Don’t be afraid of living again.  Love is a double edged sword.  Grab that sucker by the hilt and swing into life with everything you’ve got.

Live, Heal & Love for the Life of You.

<3 Always & Peace ∞

04172014 CAG

Do It Til Your Satisfied

I love it when the writing bug hits and I am able to zip off pages of a story or blog piece quickly. I love it even more when I re-read them hours, maybe days later and they still make sense. When I share them with my editor and she gives me a good review (along with the necessary corrections) and she, as well as my test readers love what I've written, I feel accomplished. Yes, I AM a writer and I love to write. 

Some of you were at the Oakwood Heights Community Church this past Sunday and heard me perform two Mahalia Jackson songs "Trouble of this World (Soon Ah Will Be Done)" and "Elijah Rock". I love it when I get into a song and it hits my soul and I perform it exactly as I wanted; sheer satisfaction. Yes, I am a singer and I love to sing. 

What do you love to do? Do you do it often? Does it make you happy? When you're done, are you satisfied?

Nothing is as freeing to the mind, body and soul as doing something you love to do and doing it until you feel that deep down good and filling satisfaction.

Whatever it is, do it, do it 'til you're satisfied. 

Come on and do it, do it, do it ‘til you’re satisfied for the Life of You

 Always & Peace ∞

 CAG 04082014

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=90QXhl95qP8

Dear Lord,
Thank you for bringing my health back on course. While I know not the purpose of the germ, the virus, the bad bacteria or any disease; while I question the reason for them and their source and hope for the cures for all of them, I will forever thank you for the strength and knowledge given to each of us to help heal our maladies.

Thank you for the community of scientists, researchers, chemists, biologists and naturalists. Thank you for the old ways of healing and for the new. Thank you for the ability to learn about our bodies and how to care for them. Thank you for the fitness, healthy food, and yes the sugary, salty comfort food that we should eat in moderation. Help us to find balance and to seek moderation in everything, except for our love for you. May we do the best that we can to treat our bodies like the temples that they are. AMEN

PS - If I eat a small amount of loaded fries and chocolate cake on my cheat day, please don't let my stomach implode. AMEN & AMEN

It's Not Always a Burning Bush

Yesterday, I had the pleasure of having lunch with one of my former Sunday school students.  She is 22, vibrant and in a good place.  It was so refreshing to see that in someone who I spent most Sundays with for the better part of three years.  It was great to see her.  But a midst our conversation I could hear the Lord speaking to me.   His message was as present as if He were sitting there with us.  In a way, I know that He was. 

Now this was not a burning bush episode; a flame did not erupt from my Caprese wrap or burst up from my French fries.  If you ever wondered how it is that God speaks to you, I believe that He speaks to us through our dreams and in the words spoken to you by someone else.  His voice can come through in the thoughts that “hit” you out of nowhere.  His message breaks upon you when you "study" on your feelings.  His direction comes to you through the actions you witness and sometimes through the actions you take, although you may not realize it until after the action is taken.  At least, that is what I THINK.  You may think differently and that’s fine.  It’s different for each of us and can come to us differently each time.

God spoke to me yesterday but I didn't hear the words until today.  I was so caught up in getting back to my desk and work and other things that it didn't dawn on me that He was speaking to me until the quiet of THIS morning.  I didn't recognize it until I became still and emptied my head of everything but the peaceful calm that wraps around you in the predawn light.

It is awesome to pray.  Prayer is POWERFUL.  But what good is power if you’re not plugged in?  What good is having power and being plugged in if you don’t turn on the light?  If you’re in the dark about something, pray (get the power), meditate (plug in and listen) and then turn on your faith (let His light fill you).

Be filled with Light for the Life of You.

<3 Always & Peace ∞

CAG 02122014

Balance, Breath and Muffins

I made a batch of banana, almond, oat, blueberry, cranberry muffins this morning. I will be getting my green juice in (kale, broccoli, parsley, cucumber, green apple, lemon and ginger) before I can have one, though. Yes, I'm about to do 60 squats and some JJs to offset the transgression of baking. Hey it's about balance!

May you find balance in your life. If you feel off kilter, take a moment to go someplace quiet and breathe. A steady breath. A shaking breath. A cleansing breath. BREATHE in and know you are Divinely loved; call for His grace and peace to fill you. BREATHE out and expel the doubt, the pain, the anger, the frustration. Gather up your spiritual strength. Let it be the counterweight that you need for the trials of living in a world of chaos.

May you find your balance for the Life of You.

Always & Peace ∞
01232014 CAG

Today's Missive Jan 20, 2014

Note to Self: If you want more then do more.  You won't reach your dreams with idle day dreaming.  You won't remove your angst by wringing your hands.  It takes action; the kind that makes your body ache and your mind feel invigorated by at the end of the day.  It's the kind of work, dedication and faith that may bring you some tears from the trials and tribulations but in the end will yield a soul satisfying victory.  You can cry when you fall, just be sure to wipe away the tears and wear the look of  determination as you stand back up.

Work For It For The Life of YOU
CAG 01202014