Heartbreak...

I sit here, in my home, emotionally reeling as I finally give over my thoughts to the devastation that has wreaked havoc on so many this past year; these past months, these past few days. Tears are falling so freely for so many that I do not know and sadly will never have a chance to know because their lives have been snuffed out by tragic events of natural causes or the horrific agenda of a deranged individual. There are no words to comfort the families that have lost so much. There is nothing that can be said or done that will erase the pain, the unimaginable grief that so many are suffering through. I have not one clue as to how the parents must feel, the families, the siblings, the friends…All I can do is cry and pray.  Consider, the story I found from a friend’s page about Victoria Soto.  She hid her twenty-seven students in a cabinet and closet and told the shooter that the children were somewhere else before he shot and killed her.

There are others like her, I am sure. Yesterday, I like so many, many others, raged at the senselessness. What caused this? Why did this happen? The truth of the matter is that whatever answers we find to those questions won’t bring them back. I could feel myself spiraling into a dark abyss and so I shut off my head, prayed for the dead and the families and tried to put things in my emotional safety vault.

Then I found this story about Victoria Soto. Her story broke through the barrier that I built to hold back the crushing sadness. Reading about Victoria Soto’s courageous act reminded me that it’s okay to cry, to be angry and to wail here at my desk. That to think this woman so unselfishly acted to save the lives of her students, unhinged me and even though I do not know her, it broke me, and my God how thankful I am for her bravery for children I do not even know. I know it may seem that I am rambling here…I guess I am.

I don’t know the answers of how and why. I’m not so sure that I care. I don’t know what the answer is to stop this from happening again. I’m not sure there is one. All I am sure of is that nothing is for certain. That time is short. Fill your time with love. May we all find a moment to hug someone and let them know the depth of our love. Sending up prayers.